by Lindsay

“The Simpsons” taught us a great lesson about third party candidates in the U.S. In “Treehouse of Horror VII,” Homer reveals to his fellow citizens that evil aliens Kang and Kodos have taken over then-presidential nominees, Bill Clinton and Bob Dole:

Homer: America, take a good look at your beloved candidates. They’re
nothing but hideous space reptiles. [unmasks them]
[audience gasps in terror]
Kodos: It’s true, we are aliens. But what are you going to do about
it? It’s a two-party system; you have to vote for one of us.
[murmurs]
Man1: He’s right, this is a two-party system.
Man2: Well, I believe I’ll vote for a third-party candidate.
Kang: Go ahead, throw your vote away!

And, of course, Kang won.

The U.S. has only had one third-party president: George Washington (Independent) - he was not officially affiliated with any party during his two terms. In the 2006 election, two Senate seats went to independent candidates, while none in the House went third-party.

So what does this teach us? Third-party candidates don’t win. And don’t go screaming “Jesse Ventura!” at me, because we all know he’s still the punchline on Leno from time to time. And if you braid your beard, you don’t need a party:

So if third-party candidates don’t win, why do they run? Why, to steal votes away from viable candidates and skew election results, of course.

Here is a helpful illustration from the 2000 Presidential election:

Now, would everyone who voted Nader have voted Gore instead? Tough to say. But it’s certainly easier to assume than to think they would have voted Bush. Third party voters are simply far more likely to be disenchanted Democrats than Republicans. If anything, many third parties are created for those who feel the Democratics are not quite liberal enough to suit their needs. (Except of course for the New York Conservative Party - doing little to effect New York elections since 1962.)

And now, yet again, Ralph Nader has thrown his hat into the ring in an attempt to elect another Republican President. Knowing Republican voters won’t be swayed, Nader’s only hope for support is to take it away from the Democratic candidate. Though Ralphy has not seemed to learn his lesson, hopefully the independent voters have.

If you don’t want Kang to win, vote for Kodos!